Weird People in Utah

Of course there are weird people everywhere. However--

The September 2006 issue of Survey Notes, a publication of the Utah Geological Survey, contains a list of odd questions that their geologists have been asked. I've put the best ones (in my opinion) below.

“As many as 13 black helicopters land, become bright, and then fly away…. They have stolen most of a 350-foot cliff called the Lace Curtain (a black basalt volcanic feature)…. What would be the best way of stopping them?”

“My horse found a gold nugget but now I can’t find the location. Is it possible the Green River has moved its course several miles in the last decade?”

“I am looking for some very, very remote land…. I want it so remote that I will have to walk for three days to get to it. Will you please send me the information I need? The gentleman in Washington told me that the states would have this information….”

“Do you have a map to the Lost Rhodes gold mine?” ( The Lost Rhodes gold mine is a mythical Spanish gold mine allegedly located somewhere in the Uinta Mountains.)

“I found a carving from Spanish explorers (who were in Utah over 200 years ago) on an aspen tree (individual trunks have an average lifespan of less than 100 years)…. Can you help me find the Lost Rhodes gold mine?”

“I was talking to this guy the other day…. He said that everyone knows that the whole Salt Lake Valley sits above a large cavern and that downtown is going to fall about a quarter mile during an earthquake. When I heard this I just laughed. Then, the next day I was reading some stuff on the Internet about very large caverns, occupied by colonies of lizard people, that extend deep beneath the Western Rockies as well as beneath the Bonneville basin…. Can you give me more information?”

“Are you aware of a submarine village under the Great Salt Lake? It belongs to a fine American family that shares it with hundreds of other Utahns….”

“I am very happy to declare that there is an exact relationship between launching of satellites and natural disasters like volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, El Niños, and hurricanes…. Would you like to know more? I am very excited and happy to discuss this data with you because our southern region is in danger of earthquakes after launching from Cape Canaveral….”

“I have been quarrying Cambrian-age quartzite dinosaurs….Can you verify the authenticity of my many astounding discoveries?”

That last one may have more than one thing wrong with it, but I know one thing: there were no Cambrian-age dinosaurs.

Oh, and do a little Google searching using terms in the lizard-people paragraph, and you'll find some treats.