Approach to the Masculine

[This topic has explosive potential, but I wan to raise it anyway. My purpose is to ask questions rather than give answers. Nothing in my post should be interpreted as pertaining to specific situations and circumstances, nor should it be interpreted as excusing sin or casting judgment.]

Recently my bishop decided that we would devote one of our priesthood lessons to Pres. Hinckely's talk from last conference dealing with p0rn0graphy. The Relief Society, instead, were to use the 13th Article of Faith as the basis for their lesson. I couldn't help but wonder if women should be excused from discussions of this issue. (None of this should be construed as criticism of my bishop--I think he does a great job.)

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This approach seems to carry a subtle message: sexual interest is a male problem and it's wrong. ("We're sorry, dear sisters, that your husbands are so carnal and devilish. Their interest in sexuality clearly runs counter to the gospel message. We're whacking them on the knuckles for it again--hopefully they'll get the message. You sisters are as pure as spring flowers and we hope you'll continue in your virtuous ways.")

Now I don't dispute that we men need some whacks to the knuckles from time to time. Some need them often. But I want to dig a little deeper. What is it about the male brain that makes it so susceptible to this problem? Is the circuitry in the brain responsible for this a product of pathology and only detrimental, or is it possible that it can be used in good ways? What things can wives do to help bind their husbands to them?

Pres. Hinckley's talk last conference included part of a letter from a woman whose husband had this addiction. She said, "All I ever wanted was to feel cherished and treated with the smallest of pleasantries . . . instead of being treated like some kind of chattel." Getting men to understand and remember what women want is a huge challenge. Maybe we should talk about it in our lessons more. But is there something that men want that is going unfulfilled and contributes their development of this problem?

In The Miracle of Forgiveness, Pres. Kimball makes the point that Jesus recognized that sin was often a symptom of deeper unmet needs. Of course sex is part of the issue, but it is more than that. Emotional and intimacy issues are involved. Can these be addressed in a way that minimizes, as much as possible, the risk for men? Is it possible that in trying to get men to behave, masculinity has been denigrated in the process and as a result neither men nor women understand what the legitimate needs of men are? Yes, men need to exercise self-control, but are there things that women need to do? If there are, should they hear about it in Relief Society?

I don't know what light science (both the hard and social) can shed on the problem, but to the extent that there is any I think we ought to discuss it. Let's understand what makes us tick. LDS Social Services has professional counseling for this addiction, but the only real advice that most of us hear is "don't touch it." It seems to me that the more men and women understand what's going on in the psychological roots, the better they can address this issue.