Conspiracy Theories are Sweatpants of the Mind

There's a classic scene in Seinfeld where Jerry admonishes George for wearing sweatpants.

You're telling the world, "I give up. I can't compete in normal society, I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."

This scene came to mind recently as I thought about people who trade in conspiracy theories. I think they are sending a signal rather similar to that of the sweatpants:

I give up. It's too hard to keep up with the complexities of modern society. I'm miserable and don't know who to believe, so I might as well be comfortable and adopt conspiracy theories.

Of course, this is not a denial that people sometimes conspire together for ill. However, your typical conspiracy theory typically throws prior probability and simpler explanations to the wind, and postulates the cooperation of many different people who would otherwise have little reason to cooperate. Conspiracy theories also tend to be unfalsifiable in that any evidence raised against them is incorporated as part of the conspiracy.

There are several ironies that come from conspiracy theories. First is the enhancement of tragedy for those affected. The awfulness of having your first grader murdered in his/her classroom, for example, is bad enough. But to then have people publicly accuse you of having faked their death, and harass you about it (as has happened with Sandy Hook), is a supremely cruel compounding of horror. Second, is that conspiracy theories are rather unhelpful in addressing the problem at hand. Simply put, when you wildly misdiagnose the problem your solutions will range somewhere between unhelpful and harmful. Finally, to bring us back to the title of this post, conspiracy theories give their adherents the illusion of knowledge and understanding. Moreover, in their attempt to reach the REAL truth, sincere adherents of conspiracy theories are actually manipulated by those who cynically foster the theories for gain.

I was already developing this metaphor and had started composing this post when current events added another to the genre. What kind of sweatpants does your mind have to be wearing in order to take this seriously, and what should we think about those who composed it and spread it? (See here for why it's total garbage.)

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Remember Planet Nibiru? It's (Not) Back!

Some people never learn. The Washington Post reports that a poor NASA scientist is having to field questions about a mystery planet known as Nibiru or Planet X, and predictions that it will cause catastrophe for Earth tomorrow (having failed to do so in September and October). According to the article,

Nibiru theories have by now become so abundant that if you spend long enough on YouTube or PlanetXNews.com you can find an apocalypse scheduled for just about any given day of the week.

If this sounds vaguely familiar, that's because this isn't the first time the fictitious planet has caused concern. In 2011 I highlighted the same hysteria. At the time, the prediction was for destruction in 2012, and it's the same scientist having to reassure people that this is not a thing. I don't pay as much attention to this kind of crap as I used to, but I figured I might as well document it again for blog posterity.

For more, see my previous post: 2012 Cosmophobia

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